class at college graduation

i just graduated from college. a bunch of people from my family came up. it was really wonderful to have them here. they're loving and affectionate people. we went out to this really expensive restaurant. i've never been to a place that nice (or maybe i have and haven't noticed). the vast majority of the people at the restaurant were like me. i recognized about half of the people there from my private dorms. rich jewish kids live in the private dorms. i'm a rich jewish kid from the private dorms. then i got these big old checks from my family. it was another reminder of how class gets passed down from generation to generation. they didn't give me a fortune, but they gave me enough money to build on, to start my financially independent life a little bit further than a lot of people. my rich kid guilt feels bad about hauling in so much cash that i don't deserve more than anyone else. im donating a chunk of it to an organization that my friend works with. i feel good about redistributing some of it to a people of color led organization with no strings attached for how they use it.

it's still hard for me to acknowledge how much wealth i come from. my family aren't pretentious, but most of them do have the symbols of class privilege. nice houses and cars. new technological gaggets and college degrees. in some ways i feel so lucky, because shit, i don't have to worry and in other ways i feel so guilty about it. i'm not past feeling fucking guilty about it.