Camp's Awesome and I've Already Fucked Up

Camp Day 1

The kids are much smarter and funnier than I thought middle schoolers would be. Save for the laugher EVERY TIME I said "ball" referring to a ball of yarn while knitting. Because dominant society supports divisions among age groups, even small divisions, the last time I was around 10-14 year olds was when I was in middle school. I thought I wouldn't be able to relate at all. Then I remember myself in eighth grade- dreadlocked!! (that's another entry...), 79 pounds, obsessed with wanting a boyfriend, hoping for my period, and sarcastic as hell with adults.

My one OHMYGOD cringe moment was when, in front of a mixed race group of campers, I asked one of my co-couselors about his "Indian name," because he goes by an Americanized, easy to pronounce name. Quickly, I realized my blunder as he said, "my Indian name?? I'm not Indian." He was really offended, as he's told me multiple times that hes from Sri Lanka!! I quickly apologized and then again a minute later.

On one hand, I'm really glad that it happened in front of the campers, because I was sincerely apologetic, but made sure not to overcompensate in a desire to ease my own embarrassment and discomfort. I think I could have opened further conversation, but I'm not ready to make a lesson on the spot about my own racism and lack of education about South Asia. However, I think it might serve as an example to bring up later when conversations about race and ethnicity come up.

BUT, of course, being ignorant and being called out on it in front of a group feels totally crappy. I felt badly for hurting my favorite co-counselor. Also, I want to present myself as a white ally for the kids of color, so it was a bad start for that.